M often thought that life had no meaning anymore for her. it was now more than three months since she discovered her husband was having an affair with a beautiful, elegant and sophisticated young woman. she was close to 35 and she felt old, unhappy and very alone. She knew she couldn´t confide in her family, not even her brother whom she adored. She remembers how she felt when she discovered their messages which her husband had naively saved to his computer, she still remembers the way she felt when she saw all those words her husband never once said to her, how she felt numb, like life had all but stopped. She remembered calling him- because he was away on a supposed study trip- and faking she was very ill in the hospital just so he could come home and confront her wrath... but he never showed until days after with some lame excuse like his phone was turned off...
He eventually told her he broke off the relationship, although he was bitter, harsh and extremely cold towards her now. He would often call her witch, old fag, nut case and a dunce. This was the only man she had ever lived for in the last 12 years. she couldnt imagine her life without his presence, although admittedly, she knew she was always alone.. always has been.. didn´t he tell her earlier on that he never loved her and only saw her as a mother? Wasnt she the one who helped and nurtured him all along his career, so that he could speak five languages, publish many books and also pick up young girls....
She didnt have the guts to leave. she couldnt leave. So she stayed and hoped that things would get better, that he would realise he needed her and wanted her with him. So she stood her ground and tried not to crumble each time he told her how stupid she was, how ugly and unattractive she was... how annoying she was.. many days she would just sleep under her covers and not get up until many many hours had passed...she didnt even feel hungry anymore..he had lost all her zeal, all her confidence, all hope... why didn´t she see this coming, she would often ask herself. why did this happen to her? What did she do wrong? didnt she give him everything, sacrifiing that dress she loved, or that visit to the hairdresser and that much needed balm for her sore feet? All that so he could could participate in this congress, or speak at that university, or do a course at that institute.. when did she become blind? Wasnt she the same woman who knew how to charm men and wrap them around her fingers and play with them like puppets on a string... wasnt she that same woman who left many a man dreaming of her eyes and her body at night? And when did this all change she asked herself?
What was left for her? She knew she couldnt leave him. she had pleaded with him to reason, promised to change and be what he wanted, she would smile when he insulted her, despite that raw pain that ebbed at her insides...she was willing to do anything to remain by his side.. because after all, a lonely woman was worse off...
2 comments:
The sudden sense of our existential solitude as human beings is as big and terrifying that, many times, people stays still, like in front of a huge bear, with eyes closed, until the horrifying sight might be away. The result might be otherwise.
me gusta mucho la ilustración que haces. Efectivamente, es así. La idea de lo desconocido siempre nos aterra. He vivido esta experiencia de cerca a través de una amiga. Una cosa es saberlo y otra, actuar para afrontarlo.
muchos saludos y gracias de nuevo por tu interés-
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