The Mother

I still remember her image. she had long black hair, was a bit overweight after six pregnancies, had lost almost all her teeth, was very wrinkled and was now past sixty. Her eyes, however, still matched her vivacity and sparkled cantakerously... she was a unique woman, no doubt. Was it that all mothers were so abnegating, loving, giving?
She got married at the age of 28. That was old then. She remembered seeing her husband in the train in her school days. He was known for his violent tendencies and later she would tell us that many a times in a fit of anger, he would scream "I will eat you raw!". She often seemed to repent the years she spent with him, this man who loved and illtreated her the same time. She received many a blows from him and would find herself in her mothers house many weekends after lenghtened fights. The worse, she would add, was the humilliation she felt, for she lived with her inlaws and their wives or husbands as well. they all sniggered behind her back and looked for any opportunity to humilliate her even more. She was the only one educated amongst them and would often add that these "stupid arse people" felt they were better than her... she would lament all her lost potential.. for she was a talented, determined woman. In her youthful days, some would have found her quite beautiful as well.
Her sisters had all migrated abroad. she on the other hand, had to stop working because her husband didnt approve of it.. in fact, even if she left the house, she would be given the third degree. that was why, she said, that when she left home, sometimes she never felt like returning.. she would lie that it was her children that always brought her back.. Sometimes i would sneak looks at the two of them together. There was love, for sure. She was an affectionate woman with charm and tenderness. He, a bit rough and uncouth, also had a lot of sex appeal. By his heavy breathing when he ate, i could tell he was passionate in bed. At sixty something, he still had a sleak figure which was the envy of many men his age. Some would also commend him on his dark, smooth, firm skin..
Of all her six children, none managed to make her proud. This was a constant source of distress and lamentations for her. She had tried so hard... sacrificed so much, she was educated, she raised her children well.. she would sigh.. but alas! there were too many missed opportunities. She should have married off her first son when he was twenty, she knew.. there were good offers then. Now, at thirty five, he was wasting away, still single, with a bleak future. He spent most nites looking at pornography videos and masturbating in the little room that served as the resting place for all. it was a pity, she would repeat, i don´t know how he get so, she would add.. he would also molest her other daughters, she knew that, but she never confronted him with it..
That´s why one of them left, or at least that´s what she had said. She remembers seeing the movie "The Altar Boys". The young girl let her brother molest her and even confessed that she enjoyed it and begged for more. Was that how her daughters felt as well? One of them would show her all the cracks in the wooden partitions which the brother had undoubtedly made to see them undressing. Once, one of the smaller ones caught him and screamed. She said she would often have nightmares. This was one of them she confessed to me:
He would often appear menacing, many times totally naked. there was this one time when he emerged from his room and tried to draw her attention to his enlarged penis. she would scream and try to escape. only that when she opened her mouth, no sound emerged. it was the most horrifying feeling, you know? totally helpless, afraid and anguished. Trying to escape from a space that was closing in on you. then i would awake in fright, breathing heavy with sweat running down my spine. Of course it was difficult to fall asleep after this. I would like awake and also masturbate for that was the only thing that calmed me, brought me pleasure and made me sleep again...at ease.
Was the mother oblivious to all this? Maybe she shut her eyes to avoid the disgrace, the shame, the scandal. did this make her a bad mother? What was her responsibility? I shudda get him married long time.. but the girl was so black and ugly, she would say.. she was a stupid arse.. but now she high and dry... she would repeat. I would listen to her, although i knew every last detail by heart.. sometimes i would get angry, feel like cursing her and telling her to get the hell out of my sight.. but i knew she was as anguished as me. She was a constant believer in god and many nites, i heard her weeping loudly, begging God to help her children, not to make them the laughing stock of the family. one was a bachelor nearing forty. The other was a drunkard who was with many a married woman and whore. the other ran away and was with a mexican doctor (maxi conductor). Lord.. she would pray, helplessly, don´t let my children go astray.. I wanted to laugh.. what was the use? Who got married nowadays? so what if your son was with a divorcée? He was no innocent man either! And so what if he was drank? So what if your daughter wanted to live far away and start her life the way she pleased? So what, i wanted to scream?

No, but people, gossip.. that would one day kill her, i knew...