where is the line between humilliation and dehumanisation, E asked herself. No, she was too hurt to rationalise her behaviour and that of the man she longed to be with. He constantly rejected her, she constantly pushed. Maybe she thought that if she pushed hard enough, he would eventually discover that deep within, she was really the one he loved? She hated herself because she had promised she would never let a man subject her to inferiority, treat her like second class, another piece of disposable flesh.. but yet she gave herself, all of herself.. she was strong, independent, successful, why did she need this man to complete her? why did she return after knowing how he felt, why did she continue to torture herself day in day out, dissecting microscopically all the conversations they had.. she always thought she was on top of everything, that her life was just the way she wanted it, that she had the love of a man.. why was this love so important.. is it that rejection belittles you so much that the consequent actions are just responses to this new inferior status.. she wondered to herself where exactly she went wrong. what exactly didn´t men like about her... MEN.. that word. that MAN was turning her world into a worldwind... she laughed to herself through the tears which seemed to flow freely without seeking her approval nor permission. Her tear drops took their course, offering her the solidarity she needed, indicating to her that life was fluid, flowing, nonstop.. that the pain, just like the tears, would stop.. but when?
but didn´t they say that we were all replaceble. thats what they all told her.. that before she knew it, she´d be in love again.. if that was the case, then why did she feel so betrayed, so empty, so insecure, so alone? where was that someone they were all promising? From where and when would he arrive? was this one going to be replaced as well?
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